I was watching “Dirty Jobs” with Mike Rowe, the other day with my son. I wonder if he has ever done a show on the dirtiest job of all, motherhood. There’s a whole alphabet of disgusting things that moms deal with on a daily basis, barf, blood, boogers, diapers and diarrhea. Not to mention mold and mildew. If he could squeeze eighteen years of child rearing and housework into a one hour show, he would have an episode so gross no one could sit though it. Especially at dinnertime.
Next to “Moooom!, Tommy’s playing out in the middle of a four lane highway!” Nothing strikes fear in the heart of a mother quite like hearing “eeeeewwww!” emanating from one of her children. You just know that what awaits you will require a strong constitution and some heavy-duty stain remover.
Over the years I have been blessed with some memorable messes. Many of them involved the still recognizable remains of some sort of animal that the dog heaved up. Cleaning hair from the bathtub drain almost does me in. I’ll spare you the gory details. Just use your imagination. On second thought, don’t. I think my personal “favorite” (maybe favorite is the wrong word) was the fluorescent green diaper load my son presented me with after consuming blueberry flavored applesauce. It was the first of many diapers that prompted the question, what did you eat?
Those of you who have children can probably relate. Those of you contemplating parenthood be warned. Motherhood not only requires an iron will, but an iron stomach as well.